Life Update and Our House

So, its been quite a while since I posted. This is what has happened:

1-I've started to feel better! Life is good! I've been able to cook and clean a little, which has been nice. A really good part is that I've been able to go to church for about 3 weeks now, and actually stay through the meetings! We've had a very busy life lately, and I've been grateful to have a body that was willing to work with me instead of against me. Its been great to go to the grocery store and not feel overwhelmed with smells and feeling like I needed to sit down on every aisle. Its amazing how blessed we are to have bodies that usually function properly. I've been given a new appreciation for life, and being able to live it more!

2-Eric finished Kindergarden. Michael and I went in for field day and had lots of fun with the kids doing various activities. They had a kids vs. parents tug-of-war, which the parents won. I took lots of pictures, which I can't get off the memory card very well, so you may or may not ever see them (its a long story). Eric was very sad on his last day of school (which was also his day 100 party), because he is going to miss Mrs. Gordon. It was cute to see him so attached, and he's written her a letter I need to send to her telling her that he loves her. Cute kid!

3-My camera died. For Mother's day (which we had a week later when Jim was here) Jim told me that I could finally get the camera that I've been dying for! I was so excited (I still am). Then, the next day my camera died. Thank goodness for the Best Buy extended warranty - I should have my camera back and working in just a few days. But, it came at a really bad time with so much going on that I've wanted to take pictures of. Fortunately, my friend Carolyn has let me borrow her Canon 10D SLR camera - which is very nice, and close to what I've been wanting - so I've had a chance to play with it. However, I took pictures in both RAW and JPEG format, and I can only figure out how to show you the JPEG pictures.

4-We've bought a house! After a very long search, we've finally decided that this will be our first home. Here is a picture of it, with the sold sign in the corner!

If you want to learn more about it, go to http://www.journeyhomes.com/ and click on the bottom on the California model. The floor plan is the way our house is, but the little video they show is actually a model that is the flip plan of ours. I like the blue color of our house...and the neighborhood seems really good. It has been hard to decide on "the right house" because we found a house we like, but the neighborhood wasn't as good. So, this house is one we like the neighborhood of more than other areas, and the house will be good too. We're excited to be able to host visitors, so let us know when you're coming to see us in Fountain, CO!

I took the boys down on Thursday (the 29th) to see the house and "choose their room". Eric had looked at the floor plans a week before and was starting to get ideas on where he would put all of his stuff and arrange things. As we were only 10 minutes on the road (it is 2 hours from our house in Longmont to the house in Fountain), Eric said to me "Mom, I want the Master Bedroom!" Aparently he had read the name of it on the plans and wanted it for his room! I told him that was for mom and dad, and he asked why. Then, before I could really respond he said "Is it because it has two closets?" Of course, yes, thats why (despite the size and master bath attached).

The boys had a great time running around the house as I took measurements. I was very happy to discover that the fridge that I bought will fit into the space we have for it! The boys were literally bouncing off the walls, and Michael came out of every closet that we have in the house! Here is a picture I took of them outside the front door - you can see the excitement still on their faces!
After we saw the house we went to the new OBGYN's office. We've switched insurance, and therefore Dr's, and I didn't want to find a Dr. in Longmont for one visit - so we made the drive for that purpose. The boys behaved very well playing the DS in the corner while I visited with the DR. As we left, Michael asked me "Is the Dr. going to take the baby out?" Apparently he thought baby was coming today!

Life has been very busy as I've started to be able to physically face life again just in time! We've had a few really long days of packing, driving from here to Fountain and back, some time with Jim home for a long weekend the weekend after Mother's Day, and trying to enjoy summer for the first week of Eric out of school. Today they were on the slip and slide and had a great time. I've spent the majority of the week on the phone working out details for the house, the loan, the insurance, wedding flowers, using the fax machine like crazy, checking email for the house, working out details for our Enrichment craft night in July, and more. I'm glad some of the details are done, because I've blocked out the next week to do something else:

A week from today is Erin's wedding, so we're gearing up for that. I'll be busy doing the flowers all day Thursday and Friday, with the wedding Saturday. We all go to the temple on Wed. PM - which is when I will see Jim again! He's been gone since Monday, so it will be good to see him after 10 days! Its busy times here at the house, but it will also be some special and happy times too. I think we will all be glad when it is all over - as you always are when a big event is finished. But, it is just a beginning for Erin and Dan!

We close on the house on the 12th (maybe the 9th if all is in place), my mom comes on the 13th (YEAH!), I do more wedding flowers the 13/14th for a friend's wedding, and the movers come the 16th! I'm so glad my mom will be here to help with this all, as Jim is working during all of the moving craziness. She will drive with the boys and I when we go to a family reunion o nthe 20th. After we get back from that life should be able to start to be "normal" as we will be living with Jim again - and getting settled in our new house, city, etc.. We will have our baby ultrasound on July 2nd, which will be exciting for us all to find out what kind of baby we're getting!

So, until next time - have a good summer, and hopefully we can all keep our heads above the flood of stuff coming at us!

Happy Mother's Day!

I've decided that it was a good thing that I didn't have my expectations high for today, being Mother's Day. It was a great day! I could be feeling really sorry for myself, but I'm not. In fact, I found it all quite entertaining to see what happened--having no high hopes for the day. So, here's how my day went.

Jim is in Pueblo. The boys woke me up at 7AM. That is 2 hours before I wanted to be awake (well, the earliest I would normally consent to wake up). Oh well. Eric was very excited about giving me something he had made at school, which he had been hiding in his backpack all weekend. Not being able to open my eyes, let alone make them focus enough to read, I told him to read it to me. It was a cute little book about "I love my mom" and why, and what we do together. It was so sweet, and it was truly a surprise I didn't know was coming to me.

Then, I told the boys to go get a donut, which Grandpa had brought home from the store and promised as breakfast. I told them they could wake me up at 8:30. At 8:10 Eric came in with Michael and breakfast for me! It was so thoughtful of them! Eric got out the "breakfast in bed tray" that we use, put a chocolate glazed donut on it, and 2 tupperware plastic kids cups with ice water in them (in case I got thirsty). How cute is that! I was impressed they had even put ice in my cup--water isn't worth drinking unless its really cold. Later they brought in a container of raspberries that Grandma/pa had given me last night, which had 1/2 of them left. I had to fight the kids to be able to eat any myself, but oh well. I still had a donut to eat, right?

So, the boys climbed into bed with me and Michael brought a donut for himself and ate it in my bed (over the tray please, so I don't have donut in my clean bed!). We talked for a little then decided we'd get up and get ready for church, and hopefully be a little early (but not TOO early, which I don't like) so we could get a soft seat instead of a hard folding chair.

We successfully made it to church in time for a soft chair. Michael turned in our tithing for us, which was really cute to see him shake the bishop's hand and come back all happy that he had given it to the right guy up there. The talks at church were very good-on the priesthood. The songs were no Mothers' day songs, and they didn't even have the primary sing! Just as I was wondering if they remembered if it was Mother's day they asked us 18+ years-old women to stand to get a chocolate bar. The thing was that the whole congregation stood up to go to class, so it got a little confusing because everyone was standing up. Oh well.

The boys hadn't behaved as reverently as I would like, and during the closing prayer they were both very wiggly and even talking. So, as I was telling them that they weren't reverent, and that I wanted them to practice being reverent at church and show me how (like a time-out, but a re-run of how it should be done)...so, as they sat on the bench practicing how to be reverent for a prayer, a single sister who had been sitting behind us during the meeting leaned over and told me how well behaved my boys were, and how they knew how to whisper instead of talk during the meeting. It made me feel good that someone thought they were reverent, despite the fact I told Michael multiple times to use his whisper voice, and the fact that they were (as she told me this) practicing how to be reverent.

I had a sister tell me today that I've lost a lot of weight! I have lost 20 lbs due to the baby, but was I that fat to begin with? Apparently she noticed. My response...thank you. I also had a sister tell me today that I was starting to show (the baby, that is)! My response...thank you. Well, isn't that interesting...2 conflicting messages in one day! I guess I'm not that observant about people and their weight...am I clueless, or is that something that I just don't notice? Oh well. It was kindof funny. I guess it evens out if I'm skinny but getting big?

We came home and I took a nap...and apparently the boys didn't stay downstairs but instead ran around upstairs like wild indians! After I woke up we watered Grandma's garden-which the boys helped her plant on Friday but has since died due to lack of water. I'm hoping some of it will still survive, but chances are looking pretty slim. I did get a nice surprise at the front door when Annette Seaver's 4 youngest kids brought me a box of yummy chocolates! That was such a nice surprise from an unexpected source! Annette has been another mom for me here in Longmont, I am going to truly miss having her so close when we move. Thanks Mom Annette!

We had a wonderful dinner that Grandma made (yes, she cooked on Mother's day). We had Grandpa's roast, Grandma's chicken, Brian's mashed taters, I made a salad for Grandma, a fruit salad, and pulled out some pasta salad leftovers too. We even had a fresh pineapple to eat...YUM! It was a good meal...just not one made by the kids or dads for the women. Oh well. Such is life. Eric helped me mix up a yellow cake mix to have for dessert with strawberries and cream (I had raspberries with mine). I was impressed with his desire and ability to crack eggs!

While we're talking about Eric...he was talking my mom, Mom-O, about the day. She asked him what he had done today to make it a nice day for me, and his reply? "I didn't get in time out!"

Eric was drawing on the white board upstairs and was very proud of this cute little picture he drew. Here he is with the picture:

Take is a closer look at the picture. He drew me, with short girl hair and a smile, and even labeled me as "mom." He drew himself with spikey hair and "Mickl" with boy hair, but a little shorter and smaller than himself. Pretty good! He then wrote next to both of them, as if they were each telling me, "i luv yoo mom." So cute! Its been fun to have Eric being "a reader" and sounding out words. What you don't see in the picture is the part he added later. He drew on the left side of my face, on the cheek, some lip marks to show that he'd given me a kiss! What a cute thing!

So, even though this Mother's Day was kindof a bust as far as the "normal routine" of Mother's Day: having Jim here to help the kids "take care of me" and pamper me, it was a good day. I've had a lot of time lately to reflect on all that my own mom went through with me, and my 5 siblings. What an amazing woman she was to go through pregnancy for each of us! I'm glad my mom didn't stop at 1, cause I wouldn't be here...and then she had 4 more after me! As I've been feeling like maybe this could be the last for me--because of the toll it is taking on my body and on the family as a whole--I've really learned to appreciate all that my mom did for me. Each of us are here because our parents chose life, and were blessed with a child/children. Both of those factors have been on my mind quite a bit lately, and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to make the choice to be a mom-and the blessing of being able to be a mom (even though I really didn't want to be one yesterday after what the kids put me through). Thanks mom for growing me, birthing me, and not killing me afterwards!

To all of you who are moms, to those of you who want to be moms and are doing all you can to be one, and to those of you who are not technically a mom but have a mother's heart--Happy Mother's Day!

The Truth About My Life Since February

I finally have a moment (well, I started this one day and I'm finishing another, but...), I've decided to tell the truth about life since February. No, I haven't been lying, but you'll have to go back and read between the lines on this one. So, what is this truth, you ask?

I'm pregnant! We are very happy about little one #3, due October 20th.

So, why do I feel like I've been lying? That is the rest of the story. For those of you who don't want to hear the truth, skip down a bit or stop reading now.

I've been pretty sick. Very sick. In fact, I've been on the couch for over 3 months. I haven't been able to clean (a sponge and the soap smell are very disgusting-not to mention bathroom cleanser smells!), I couldn't cook--or eat what I smelled being cooked, could barely eat, lost 20 lbs, mastered the throw-up-while-driving (as the driver), got released from my calling (which I was just starting to truly enjoy) because I couldn't make it through an hour let alone 3, haven't been to church on any consistent basis, been on drugs to stop the throwing up-which led to a very serious headache and other unpleasant side effects, couldn't walk very far without sitting down, would huff and puff if I actually felt like going upstairs, my heart has just been racing and pounding inside of me nonstop, and I have been very exhausted to say the least.

That is the short version. I'll spare you the emotional toll that is has taken on me, and the boys, not to mention my dear husband who during all of this was getting and starting a job 2 1/2 hrs away. This left me to come up with some survival tactics to make it through a day (then 4 days, then 2 weeks) without Jim around. I have had a forced "vacation" (not that it was any vacation you would want) from EVERYTHING in life, except for trying to survive with my own body and let everything else go. The boys have been very patient with mommy who just "doesn't feel very good" for a few months now.

So, that's what's been going on. I'm trying to give you the simple, objective, truth about it all. If you want more details you'll have to call me and ask, but I think you can get the general picture without all the gory or emotional details.

But, now I'm 16 weeks along and it feels like I've gone through a magical transformation! Yes, I did throw up this AM, but: I've been able to cook 3 meals this week, do a few dishes (with a new sponge...no previously-used ones allowed to touch my hands yet), and even get the energy to go to Wal-Mart and not feel like I needed Jim to be right by my side "just in case." I attended church for a full 3 hours for the first time in over 3 months, and it was SO GOOD! So, I'm on the up swing, at least for now. I even woke up one morning this week and didn't feel pregnant! That sounds odd, but that meant I was feeling pretty normal and not sick--for 1/2 a day!

I just thought I'd share with you, before I'm done elaborating, kindof the "what I learned" and the "cute moments" we've had, through all of this. So, what I've learned:

1-Have NO expectations. NONE AT ALL. This one was hard for me, and thanks Dad for helping me to see it in a new way. The majority of what we do in our lives is good, and important, but is it really? Yes, it is important to do really well at your calling and it's "not good" to ask to be released, but we still hold ourselves to that as an expectation. Just because I don't normally ask to be released--or whatever it may be--it doesn't mean that there aren't times and seasons in life where there is an expectation I hold myself to that I should still hold onto. I had to let go of it. Was it hard? YES. But, really, it was ok. My bishop was extremely understanding, released me on the spot, and was very supportive (well, thats the report Jim gave me--I couldn't even make it to my appt. so he went for me!)

This goes for how we feel about eating 3 meals of cold cereal a day, or the fact that your children have only eaten apples, string cheese, and crackers for the last 2 days. At least they had something...even though "a good mom" would do otherwise. Hard to let go of, yes. Realistic, yes. Were they "neglected," no. It was ok. There are TONS of expectations we have for ourselves that we don't realize are expectations until they are not being met, or we cannot meet them. It is at the time where our self-imposed expectations are not met that we struggle and, I think especially for women, we get down upon ourselves so much that we need someone to snap us out of it.

The same goes for what we expect-or rather hope-of other people. Ideally, I would have had 3+ people calling me each day to check up on me and provide service to me, as this time in my life was probably my most needy time in my life yet. Realistically, nobody has to at all. If I want someone to bring me dinner (or at least feed the boys if I can't eat it), or whatever it is that I am sitting at home wishing someone would just magically show up and do...I can't get upset and bitter because nobody loves me and can see through the walls of my house and just know what I need. If I let go of that expectation (kindof a wish/desire/need), then I won't be disappointed!

2-Service. Asking for it, and accepting it as well. This is a hard one. First, expressing what you need, and being able to ask for it. This is very humbling--very hard to do. But, its ok. As long as you don't turn into the perpetual-ward-service-project for the rest of your life, its ok. It can be accomplished through giving hints to a friend about what you need, but also through just asking. The hardest part is getting up the guts to express your real need, and ask for help.

The other part of this is accepting the help that is offered. Quite often we are asked "what can I do to help" or told "call me if you need something". You know what? People don't usually say things like that unless they want to. They could say "thats too bad, I feel sorry for you" and leave it at that. But, when they offer and you could really use help, admit to it! Even if they are at your house to drop off a yummy dinner for your family, and ask if there is anything else, you can say something like: "well, since you offer, I am really desperate for someone to wash my 2 1/2 week old dirty dishes that are getting really stinky! Would you mind?" So, when someone offers, and you really want to say "yes", don't you dare say no! Say yes! Be grateful, write a ton of thank you notes, and go on with life. No guilt, just gratitude and knowing that at some point it will be your turn again to offer the service. And, when that time comes you will be better able to sense a need, having been there yourself in the past.

3-Crying. Its ok to cry. Women know this, although we try to resist. Men (from my perspective) seem to have a harder time crying, because that's not cool. But, if you just "need to cry" then let it come. Its ok. You are not a psycho person for having a physical need to cry. In fact, as soon as you let it out (and in my case take a nap or go to bed afterwards), you will start to feel better. Crying is good medicine.

If you need to cry and can't cry yet, find a person to cry to. And, its ok to call the same person twice in one day (even if you've also cried to your husband in between those phone calls). Thanks mom. And, thanks dad for your wanting to be a shoulder to cry on through the phone. I have learned that if there is nothing wrong, you do need to state that at the beginning. I have had quite a few conversations that have gone quite well, all of which started with "can I just cry?" No reasons, just tears coming. Find a person you can cry to, and don't be afraid to do it! For those of you on the receiving end...just listen and don't feel confused. It will come. And, if I happen to call you to cry--let me cry, tell me it will be ok (even if there is no real reason for the cry), and then tell me to go to sleep and I will feel better later!

4-Simplify. It is something that our church leaders have been telling us for a while, but we really do need to simplify. We need to get rid of all the "stuff" in our lives that we do that doesn't really matter. We truly do keep ourselves occupied with things to do and places to go-most of which we could just let go of. We also think we need to do all of these things or we won't be "good" or provide all the opportunities for our families that we think they need. But, in the end, they just need us. Life has been a little boring at moments, mostly cause I didn't get off the couch to take the kids outside to play, but it has been very nice to not have any obligations. The only thing I've done is get Eric to school, karate, and soccer (with the help of Grandma and Grandpa, thanks for helping to get Eric where he was going). Other than that, I've been forced to let everything else go. And, I was relieved when soccer ended so that wasn't part of our schedule anymore. So, the challenge (even to myself, now that I'm starting to feel better) is to not keep ourselves busy and scheduled, but to simplify life. Is what you're doing really that needed and important that you can't let it go?

Ok, the cute moments:

1-Eric was looking for me one day. He was talking to grandma upstairs, asked her where I was, and she told him that she thought I was downstairs. He responded "oh, she is probably throwing up." Yes, it seems normal for him that mom will throw up--no big deal--just life.

2-Yesterday at dinner (which I actually cooked!) we were eating and Michael had asked me if he had eaten enough for a treat. I told him to eat more. He told me "If I eat too much, I will get a baby in my tummy!" We then talked about how he's a boy and babies only go in girl tummies...and then he said "I'm a girl!" HA! Funny kid.

3-This week, coming down the stairs, in a very random moment Michael said to me "When the baby is big in your tummy it will be as big as me!" I sure hope not!

4-Eric was very outwardly excited about having another baby. It was such a special moment for me when I finally confessed to him (instead of trying to deny it and convince him otherwise) that, yes, there was a baby in my tummy. No, I wasn't showing at the time, but he kept asking every couple of weeks in a questioning/asking way. I asked him why he was excited about having another baby and he said he wanted a sister! He had this sweet look in his eye when he told me it would be fun to have a sister. Then, he also told me that having another baby will make life easier for me! HA! I asked him why it would make life easier and he said: cause it will learn to obey! HA! Now, if I could only get him and brother to obey...

So, that's the story, and I'm sticking to it. At this point, 16 weeks, our little one is the size of an avocado! I still fit into my "regular clothes" but it probably won't be much longer before I start wearing the "other clothes" because these are getting a litte bit tight. And, in the last few days, in my quiet moments, I've started to feel the baby move! That is an exciting feeling for me--and prooves the Romanian wives' tale that you start to feel better when the baby starts to move.

Tulips

Last night when I came home from another (the 3rd day, the 3rd weekend in a row) long day of trying to find a house, this box was sitting on the table. It didn't even cross my mind that they would be for me...this is the first time in my life I've gotten flowers by mail!
I was even more surprised to think that Jim would order me flowers! He hasn't been home for over 1 1/2 weeks, and won't be home until Thursday...which means Mother's day without him. I've been kindof bummed about it, even though we decided to have my mother's day next week when he's here. I'm sure it will be ok in the end, but I was feeling sad for myself anyways. But, when I opened the box, I was even more surprised!

My amazing brother and his beautiful wife sent me flowers for Mother's day! How nice of them! I was absolutely amazed and surprised! They are so nice to think of me as I struggle through this part of life, it totally made my day! Thanks guys! It made life enjoyable again, it seemed to be less of something to endure and reminded me that it is to be enjoyed. And, after Michael's all-day tantrum today, I have flowers to help calm me down. I felt so honored that they were even thinking of me, let alone sending me flowers. Thanks for the pick-me-up that really made a difference!

So, here is a very bad picture of the beautiful tulips inside. They had to be in water for 12 hours before I could take the green wrap off. They are wonderful to have around, and totally brighten up my very chaotic and cluttered kitchen table!
Thanks again Chris and Nicole!